If you hum the Cole Porter melody to those words with me, we’re on the same page. You know exactly what I’m after: I want to talk about sex.

Don’t blush.

Back in the eighties, there was this tiny, little, German woman on the radio who wasn’t afraid to call sex by its name. She was definitely the odd woman out in terms of radio station hosts, but she was brave enough to talk on her 15-minute program “Sexually Speaking” about all things sexual and became an overnight sensation. The name of the odd woman was Dr. Ruth Westheimer, better known as Dr. Ruth, a pioneering figure in the world of sex therapy and education.

Dr. Ruth’s candid and straightforward approach to discussing sex and sexual health was revolutionary at the time, especially given the societal taboos surrounding these topics.

America had and still has a complex relationship with sexuality, often marked by a sense of taboo and restraint.

It can be traced back to its Puritan roots. The Puritans, a Protestant religious group that emigrated from England to America in the early 17th century, brought with them a strict moral code and a focus on piety that deeply influenced the cultural and social landscape of the New World.

Puritans held a Calvinistic view of theology, emphasizing predestination, the sinfulness of humanity, and the necessity of personal piety and moral rigor. They believed that every aspect of life was under God’s sovereign control, including sexuality, which was to be strictly confined within the bounds of marriage. Sexual relations, even within marriage, were not to be discussed openly or engaged in for pleasure alone but were considered primarily for procreation.

Women were kept at bay by keeping them “barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.”

This stringent view led to a culture where sexual discussion was taboo, a sentiment that seeped into the broader American psyche. The legacy of these beliefs contributed to a societal reluctance to discuss sex openly, viewing it as something private and often indecent if brought into public discourse.

In 2024, it’s hard to imagine the moral uproar that Dr. Ruth’s candid discussions of ‘All Things Sexual’ once caused. I believe she was able to remain on the air largely because her German accent, small stature (she stands just 4’7″), and intelligent wit gave her a somewhat impish presence, both on radio and later on television.

While we have certainly come a long way since the days when Dr. Ruth’s frank discussions of sexuality stirred a moral frenzy, the shadow of America’s Puritan past still looms over many aspects of our sexual discourse.

Over the decades, we have seen significant shifts towards greater openness and acceptance. The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, for example, marked a pivotal break from past conservatism, empowering people to discuss and explore sexuality with unprecedented freedom.

Today, topics that were once taboo, such as sexual health and pleasure, LGBTQ+ rights, and contraception, are more openly discussed, reflecting a society that values informed and healthy approaches to sexuality. Educational programs in schools and media representation have also progressed, advocating for a more comprehensive understanding of sexual wellness.

Despite these advances, certain puritanical residues persist. In some circles, discussing sex openly still provokes discomfort or judgment. The stigmatization of certain sexual behaviors and identities continues to restrict free and open discussion, reflecting age-old biases that were instilled by early Puritan settlers.

Furthermore, policy debates around sex education and reproductive rights often reveal a continuing struggle between progressive ideas and conservative traditions rooted in America’s early religious influences.

In navigating these complex waters, it is crucial to recognize both how far we have come and how the threads of historical conservatism continue to influence our cultural landscape. This awareness is essential as we work towards a society where discussing and exploring sexuality can be as natural and unencumbered as any other aspect of human health and happiness.

This is where my expertise as a Certified Medical Hypnotherapist, specializing in ‘Sexual Freedom Hypnosis,’ becomes vital.

‘Sexual Freedom Hypnosis’ is precisely what it sounds like: a therapeutic approach designed to assist individuals in experiencing their sexuality freely, without the burdens of deep-rooted mental blocks or pervasive uneasiness that can lead to sexual dysfunction.

In my practice, I encounter many individuals who carry the weight of cultural, historical, and personal inhibitions, which can significantly hinder their ability to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Through the targeted use of hypnotherapy, I help clients identify and dismantle these barriers, allowing them to reconnect with their sexual selves in healthy and joyful ways.

The process involves guiding clients through various hypnosis techniques to access the subconscious mind, where many of these inhibitions reside. By addressing and reframing negative beliefs and fears, we can effectively clear the path for positive sexual experiences. This method is not just about alleviating symptoms of dysfunction; it’s about fostering a holistic and affirming approach to one’s sexuality, enabling a person to embrace their desires without shame or fear.

Sometimes, the root of an unhealthy relationship with one’s sexuality is trauma. In such cases, traditional talk therapy might not be sufficient to unearth or resolve deep-seated emotional wounds.

This is where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) becomes an invaluable tool in my therapeutic arsenal. EMDR is a psychotherapy technique proven to be highly effective for those who have experienced trauma, and it plays a critical role in addressing issues that block a client’s sexual well-being.

EMDR therapy focuses on the dysfunctional storage of traumatic memories and aims to reprocess these memories in a way that reduces their lingering effects. During EMDR sessions, I guide clients through a series of lateral eye movements, sounds, or taps while they recall their traumatic experience. This process is believed to work by mimicking the psychological state that we enter during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep – a state conducive to processing and integrating memories and emotions.

As clients visually follow these guided movements, they simultaneously engage with memories of past traumatic events in a controlled and gradual manner. The dual attention, facilitated by the eye movements, helps decouple the traumatic memory from overwhelming emotions associated with it. Over time, the memory’s intensity diminishes, allowing the individual to view their experiences more objectively and with significantly less distress.

This technique is particularly effective for clients whose sexual dysfunction is entwined with past trauma. For instance, survivors of sexual abuse might find themselves triggered in intimate situations, leading to avoidance, anxiety, or dysfunctional sexual behavior. By addressing the trauma directly, EMDR helps to unblock these emotional barriers and encourages a healthier relationship with sexuality.

Ultimately, the goal of using EMDR in treating sexual issues is to allow individuals to reclaim their autonomy over their bodies and sexual expression. It empowers them to redefine their sexual experiences not as sources of trauma and pain, but as aspects of life capable of providing joy and fulfillment. By healing the traumatic foundations of their sexual dysfunctions, clients can move forward towards a liberated and satisfying sexual life.

The goal of ‘Sexual Freedom Hypnosis’ (the umbrella term for the different modalities I use to help my clients heal) is to empower individuals, allowing them to redefine their sexual identity on their own terms, liberated from the shadows of outdated stigmas and personal traumas. In doing so, they can discover a new, more confident self, equipped to enjoy the full spectrum of human intimacy and pleasure.